


Damn Good Weapons

by Downfall



Series: Paragon of Vice [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Mass Effect Kink Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-25
Updated: 2011-05-25
Packaged: 2017-10-19 18:32:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/203979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Downfall/pseuds/Downfall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard wants a follow-up on one of Zaeed's stories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damn Good Weapons

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted from the Mass Effect Kink Meme.

After “accidently” almost shooting one of the engineers soon after coming on board, nobody bothered Zaeed in his hidey-hole except Shepard. Shepard, of course, came and went where ever the hell he damn well pleased, which was one of the reasons Zaeed liked following the man. Hell, he’d started to enjoy their little chats.

“Shepard, what story will it be today? I’ve only got so many trophies down here.”

“I actually wanted to hear more about an old story. Something about a girl, and a gun nest you were trying to sneak past?”

“Grenade Girl!” Zaeed nodded. “I told you before, my squad and I slipped by. All I know is the bitch didn’t even use the damned grenades.”

Shepard folded his arms, leaning back. “And that’s really the end of the story? Come on, Zaeed.”

“Strike your fancy did it? All right,” Zaeed shrugged. “Two or three years after that I was on a job out in the Verge. Guard duty or some bullshit. One night I get drinking with one of the other mercs, and it turns out he was in that very gun nest!”

“What did you do?”

“What did I do? I wanted to buy him a drink! Congratulate him on his aim, the bastard. I ever show you that scar?” Shepard didn’t answer, and Zaeed grunted. “Before I could, the man buys me a drink to thank me for my little peace offering.”

“Your what?”

“That’s what I said! I didn’t know where he was from, but walking a girl up to someone with her pockets full of grenades isn’t any sort of peace I’m familiar with.”

“How’d you talk her into that, anyway?”

“I told you before that only trained killers and psychopaths don’t do what their told when they’ve got a gun in their faces, and she wasn’t either. Sent her off with a pat on the head.” Zaeed folded his arms. “Turns out the little bitch didn’t have the spirit for it though. The man tells me that she got to the gun nest and empties her pockets, just sobbing and saying she wants to go home or some silliness. She knew she was dead. If they didn’t off her, I sure as hell would have. Those were Mark 11 incendiary grenades, greatest ever made by humans or anyone else for that matter. Damn good weapons. And she just drops them on the ground? So I asked the merc what happened to them, and he says-”

“Hold it. What about the woman?”

“Come on, Shepard. We’re both men of the galaxy. There were four of them in that nest and as it was told to me they each took a hole. The one I was talking to was the odd man out, but he said he left more than satisfied. Apparently the little bitch got some spirit in her when he told her he told her they’d take her home if she did good enough by him. Damn near choked herself out trying to suck him off. But anyway, the grenades-”

Shepard interrupted. “So did they?”

“Did they what?”

“Did they take her home?”

“God dammit Shepard, I don’t know. If it were me I’d have put one in her brain instead of taking her back to her husband or parents or whatever soaked in all their semen. Seems kinder. But the grenades, Shepard. It turns out this damn merc _kept_ them all this time! Pulled ‘em out and put them right there on the table!” Zaeed chuckled, glancing down at Jessie laying on the workbench. “Clearly a man with discerning tastes, but I shot him anyway and took the grenades back. Got my contract terminated, but I figure it was an even trade.”

“Zaeed.”

The mercenary looked back at Shepard, and straight down the barrel of Shepard’s pistol. “Now let’s not do anything hasty-”

Shepard fired one shot into the meat of Zaeed’s leg, and Zaeed had the presence of mind not to scream as he dropped to the floor. “God _damn_ , Shepard.”

“Shut up,” Shepard crouched over him, pressing the hot barrel of his gun against Zaeed’s neck. “Shut up and listen. Right now, I need you. I need you and every other maniac on this ship to beat the Collectors. But when we get done…” Shepard’s tone dropped. “You should pray the Collectors get you, Zaeed. Seems _kinder_.”

With that he was gone, stalking back up the stairs. Zaeed lay on the ground for a few moments, grimacing as he felt blisters rising where the gun had touched him. “They’re damn good weapons, though,” he muttered.


End file.
